dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
