Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Buhtt sex?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
