So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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