i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
