I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
