Please, let me fuck your mom
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
