What a fucking waste of an outfit
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
