New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
