It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
