The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
