I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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