She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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