Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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