So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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