Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
