Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
