Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
