just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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