If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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