I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
