Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
