I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize