i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
