Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
