Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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