Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
