Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
