why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
