He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
