ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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