I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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