Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
