girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize