sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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