They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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