I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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