Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
