I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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