The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
