Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
