So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
