My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
