That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
