I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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