tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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