(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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