goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
