; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
