wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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