Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
