If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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