I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
