Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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