She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
did i just pee glitter
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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