Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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