Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
