I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
