i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
