Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
