my sisters under your porch take her home
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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