Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
