: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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