I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
BRING THE BAGELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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