i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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