I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
