I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
