but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
